She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
