Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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