I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
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Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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