from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
