too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
