dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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