Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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