i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My penis needs a shock collar
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
