Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Randomize
