I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
