All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
