this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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