We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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