dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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