when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize