We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They took my balls.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
