I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
