I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
