I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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