is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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