At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
