no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
