please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I FOUND THE LEGS
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
