I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
