He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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