I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
