I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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