Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
