they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
