i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
