end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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