he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
