i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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