Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
