He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
