I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
