So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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