Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
