I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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