In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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