Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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