Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
