why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
