DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
