At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
