How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
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