I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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