You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
