taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
