dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
