The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
