our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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