I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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