She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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