I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
