I am spending my child support on dildos
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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