You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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