Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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