maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
