We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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